Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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