Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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