guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Two words: nipple clamps
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