I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
