I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
