I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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