it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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