i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
