I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
