2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
