Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
