Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My ass is underappreciated
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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