You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
