He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
