I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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