So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Couch. On fire.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
