im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
