So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
