You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
