i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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