Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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