textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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