I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
