I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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