Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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