Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she looked like the before picture.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
