Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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