Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
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