did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
