my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
