Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
