So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
There are leaves in my underwear?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
