Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
