After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
