Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
