I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
