you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
