i permit you to call me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
