my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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