i think my tv is drunk
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
