Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
