dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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