I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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