...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
