pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
