The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
