Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
