At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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