he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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