I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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