It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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