do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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