it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
