I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
